Tuesday, February 27, 2007 hmm. went school as normal. but right i think randy and kayan cockeye one lahh. i was sitting there in the bus, then only zhenxing saw me. -.- they ealy bak qiu tia stamp lahh. if not must be thinking of some stuff. bleahs. anyway. doesn't matter. haha. cos i think i would just see them all the time luhh. nth much today lahh. just that i felt much better. as in. yah lah. dunno leh. maybe my character itself is those jovial kind lah. so even if today i'm very unhappy, tmr i'll be back to normal. i have no idea why lahh. cos i sent him a msg, Give a.. Black rose for your enemy. Red someone you love, Pink someone special, Yellow for a good friend, Orange for a cheerful friend, White for the one you cre? and so, he gave me an orange one.. ma7ybe i got the answer from there? or did i not? was that an answer to say that he don't like me? oh well, that was my thoughts at the moment.. well. orange.. so to him i might just be a cheerful friend lahh. maybe not more than that? like.. a good friend? we used to be good friends. very good friends. i dunno if we still can be VERY GOOD FRIENDS again.. but i guess. we still will.(: but anyway.. today's singhong's birthday. and yes, she's got many bday presents.. i kinda envy lahh. cos i'll nv have a chance to receive birthday presents in school.. aww. nvm. anyway. i think my class photo this year will be sucky. hais.. hopefully it will still look ok.. oh well. if it doesn't turn out well, it will be my fault. :( arghhh.. hmm. today got no taf.. cos they all going for savenger hunt. then my class cannot go what.. so didn't have taf today then change to tmr as like make up session. BOOO~! that's boring... grr.. nvm. no pain no gain mahh. bleahs. actually nth much to blog about also lahh. lalala. sophia came my house just now. i wanna sleep also cannot luhhh. she kee disturbing me. i very tired sia! hurr. she so evil right?!! lalala. nvm. used to it liao.. hmm. ok lahh. i guess i will stop here.. bye. tc. (: blogged @ 8:10 PM Monday, February 26, 2007 finally can update my blog.. haha. hmm. today. is not a really good day. was almost late for school today.. i reached school just on the dot can. the bus lahh. idiot. came like 8 mins later lahh. then so paiseh lahh. VP asked us to run to our clases can. -.- wth. but well.. had phototaking for class today.. it's a bad one. ok. i was already fucking pissed off by some bloody "tofu" idiot in my class. we had to go for phototaking which was held outside G.O. . then we were kinda rush and stuff. i tripped over munirah's bag which was on th floor lah. then i accidently stepped on hat fucking idiot's leg. i said sorry ok. who asked the guys to stand at the door? wtf~! you ppl block me then after that you all turned and scold me ah. eh. HELLO. i accidently stepped on your leg, and i said sorry already. do you have to use such hurtful words? words like, "wahlao ehhh. you step my leg my leg will break one leh." HELLO. you are not thin ok. and it was just the side of my foot ok. yes, i'm fat, but at least i said sorry ok. it's not as if i purposely step on IT. use your brains can. nobody's perfect. you ppl were standing there, and it's not completely my fault that i fucking tripped over a fucking bag right and accidently stepped on your foot right. you fucking made my day. you made me unable to take my class photo properly. YOU FUCKING IDIOT. GET LOST. GET OUTTA MY LIFE. I DON'T WANNA SEE YOU. that was number one. i seriously can't smile when taking the class photo. it looked soooo bloody fucking fake can. ok. i know alot of F words are coming out. but seriously, this is the worst class photo i have taken. I CAN'T SMILE. HAPPY??!! and. when i see shihui they all.. another class.. we are no longer in the same class. no longer in the same picture.. all my friends.. all my memories.. flashed back into mind.. rushing through my mind.. the memories that we had in the past two years.. all came rushing through into my mind.. my heart went down.. very deep down.. i felt very down. i felt like just asking the person if i can take with them -.- i know. it's just impossible.. but. it was what i thought. it was what came through my mind.. and for the fun shot, nobody were even there with me.. i wished i could be somewhere.. somewhere together with the ppl. but.. i guess the gals all forgot about me.. but nt their fault also.. they didn't know i was feeling down. i tried to smile for the funshot.. i tried to bring that smile out of me.. but. it was so hard.. after phototaking, tears came rolling down my cheeks.. i tried to keep it down.. but still. roshinee saw, and she speaked so loudly.. then, the eyes were all on me now. almost everybody came and see my pathetic look.. and they asked, "eh pam why you cry?" i shaked my head.. they told me to tell them.. i dunno if they really cared.. perhaps they were.. perhaps.. many others were behind laughing at me.. i dunno. i couldn't care much.. i wasn't in such mood to care.. the more ppl asked what had happened, the more i'll just shake my head and say, "nth lahh." i'm just lying to myself.. i felt that i had nobody to turn to.. really. i felt like crying.. i held my tears. thinking.. can i ms him and stuff... but. nvm. i'm not gonna msg him as promised. i felt terrible really.. but who really understands me?? i guess.. all i could do is.. just sit alone, cry alone and think alone.. anyway. many thanks to ppl who came and care for me. thanks for asking me what had happened. i guess. i'm alright. don't worry k. yep. k ah. i'm ending it here. dun really feel like continue.. bye. (: blogged @ 6:23 PM Saturday, February 24, 2007 sunday[25 feb 07] hmm. went to bai tai sui this morning. then came home, chanegd and went to meet shihuiat eunos mrt platform. wah. she damn blur lahs. itell her platform she still downstairs looking for me. -.-'' hurr. nvm. anyway, we went bugis. walked around all the way until like 5 plus. then went home. but i went to my aunty's house instead.. took mrt back lahh. shihui alighted at bedok. i alighted at tapines. cos i meeting jaena first. she wanna buy some stuff. haha. we went to look for zhikuang at isetan second storey. today his last day at work. so went to disturb him HAHA,. bleahs. but not really actually. jaena sa he very fierce sia. where got? ok lehh. she say he chao ah beng. bleahs. then walked around so many times lah. grr. after tha we went to take bus to her house to meet up with the rest, my mum they all. oh yes, jaena is my cousin. hmm. ate dinner there and went home after that. and here i am blogging. shit. i needa do my homework... grr. sian-ed. hopefully tmr can update liao. i dun wanna go edit my post and stuff..... grr. k lah.i stop here byebye. ((: ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#*<3*#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ saturday [24 feb 07] ok. it was yesterday lahh. i wanted to update my blog but then dunno why i can't create post so bo bian have to use this edit post thingy and post it with the friday's post lor. sian-ed. anyway. yesterday went gb as usual. had cny celebration yesterday. so we had no drills. wahh. we left one whole tumbler of rose syrup can. cos all of them drank the coke m'am bought. as in cans lah. then the rose syrup nobnody drink. have lah. me lor. HAHA. anyway, after gb, becos we didn't wanna waste so much of the syrup. so we played 3cups luhh. but still, we poured away the whole tumbler. ): bleahs. after gb, miaojun, me, xinhui and huiying went to bedok inter walk walk. we were like disturbing miaojun with her bicycle story can. haha. cos she was like talking about her riding bicycle to suntec from her house luhh. as in she told huiying. then she told me. so we kept deisturbing her lahh. oh yes, miaojun is my very cute junior. ((: haha. wahh. i saw shengwei and kairui at funland macs when i just went to the toilet luhh. then after that i went in back to say hi lahh. they were like diaos that kinda thing lahh. then me and huiying they all just wnt princess macs to eat luhh. after that i just went home lor. then i went for tuition. when i was about to walk to tuition, san called me and asked meto bring 4 more oranges for sheauyun and iris. so i ran up and got 6 oranges. bai nian with ms lin,then she ask us to draw angbaos lahh. 10 $10 one and 50 $2 one. wahhhh. then we all all got the $2 one lor.. grr. nvm lahh. next week we brining cards. HAHA. this week bring orange next week bring card. haha. nth much luhh. wnt home after that.. chat with jer for awhile. then i msg her. then i went to sleep. bleahs. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~#*<3*#~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ friday [23 feb 07] had to bring my full u to school today for phototaking. arghh. so many things to take lahhh. wth. grr. sian-ed. anyway. went to school this morning. had assembly and temperature taking. wahlao. i forget bring my thermometer AGAIN. then mr jhee sell to me. 4 bucks per thermometer. i tell him i monday then give him. then he give me the thermometer. wahh. so qiao the thermomter i get is no batt one lor! the other new ones is got batt de lor. haha. then i dun needa take temperature liao. haha. when i go back class i somehow feel that my head is very heavy lahh. dunno why sia. but i still held on. haha. hmm. after school i had to invegelate [is it spelt like this?=/] nadhira and syahmi for their maths test. wtf~! they keep on want help sia.. i cannot help lor.. then ppl around keep helping. grrr. i so wei nan you know?!! hurr. nvm ahh. i realy dunno lahh. they themselves dun wanna listen and pay attention to teacher then when comes t test, they panic, ask ppl how to do how to do. wtf. how can sia. anyway. after that i rushed to change into my uniform. wtf~! i change from head to toe ok liao lor... then ms ho come tell me dun needa wear full uni liao lor.. grrr. then i rushed back to the toilet and changed out my gb uni and bac to sch uni. hurr. very tired one lehh!! sian-ed. nvm. after phototaking, me, huiying and peiting had a discussion for the speech day thingy. then we chatted about eric. and kayan. haiyah.. dunno lahh. but anyway, went home after that. changed and put my stuff down and head off to tampines to meet peiting and huiying.. when i board the bus, i was like.. should be won't see him one lahh. should be not so zhun one.. so lucky lah. nv see him. go tampines also lucky nv see him. see my cousin nia. he was working lahh. nv go talk to him. cos dun need one lahh. haha. hmm. i was really tired luhh. and i kept yawning.. i so feel like msging HIM. haiyur. nvm. i just said i won't msg him. i mean to him. i mean. i msged him and i say i won't msg him again. -.- sounds dumb i know.. but msg msg msg also no reply. i very tired lehh. i is human lehh. how long can i wait man. haven't i waited long enough?? grr. nvm. i bought sweets from minitoons. woah. 4 bucks. hahaha. oops. hmm. then i haven't finished yet. still in my waistpouch. lalala. eh. maybe tmr got angbao tae leh. =x no lah. bluff you lah. maybe.. yes? maybe.. no? haiyah i dunno lah. i only know we are not having home visitations this year. cos nobody's house is open. wahahaha. bleahs. ok lah. i wanna go off liaos. byee. tc. *yawns* ((: blogged @ 8:19 PM Thursday, February 22, 2007 hmm. today went to sch as usual lahh. then had pe today... omg. ehh. i think i'm gonna flunk my history test which i took today lahh. cos it's like i didn't really study for it.. and it's like i'm shag this few days lahh. what the hell happened to me?!! i need a brainwash lahh. why did i even ask that fucking question?!! i nv ask he jiu hui reply me liao lor.. grrr.. sian diao liao lahh.. nvm lah. he want reply he will reply one.. no needa wait de. but until tm, maybe he won;t reply lahh. oh whatever. ehhhh. wtf~! tmr must bring full uni to school for photo taking can. sian. very long nv polish my boots liao le. think tmr must polish luhh. at least when i go for gb this sat it will look shiny. (: hahaa. ehh. i tink its been quite some time since my "haha" acted up huh? haha. oops. cos i used to have alot of "haha"s in just afew words. bleahs. omg i feel like saying haha now sia. oops. addicted. wahlao.. nobody msg me sia.. nv. save my msges. but quite wasteful if i couldn't finish the 1000 free msges before the month finishes. bleahs. haha. hmm. tmr got maths test. i got confident will pass. ((: eh. i think i should just tell him to forget it lah. dun want reply jiu dun want reply lor.. i got better things to dooooo.. bleahs. ok. this few days kinda fa shen jing lahh. sianed. ehhh. i want watch movie lahh. but i serious cannot go out with couples lahhhh.. hais. nvm. save money.. save money for ppl's bday present. ahha. oops. i dunno what's the phototaking tmr is about luhh. must so kua zhang wear full uni mehhh. sian luh. lucky tmr friday.. shouldn't have much to bring lahh. so nvm should be no prob bringing another thing.. ok lah. i really dunno what to blog about already. i'm going off. byebye. lalala. =x blogged @ 10:02 PM Wednesday, February 21, 2007 argghh. nth much today lahh. time pass like hell lahh. but then still, there's nthto blog about.. unless you would like to know our conversation lahh. but nvm. ehh. wtf~ my house suddenly got xiao qiang.. ewwwww. GET LOST!!!! yuckkkkkkk. omg. i so hate creaturess.......... then my bro was like spraying at the xiao qiang continuously until my mum can even smell the isecticide in her room lahh. cos my mum is a rat mah then her nose damn sharp one.. so cannot fart in front of her if not she will screammmmm.. AAAHHHH!!! bleahs okok. rubbish rubbish. ewww. my bro ask me to sweep that xiao qiang out lahh after it's dead... eeee. i then dun want sia. I HATE CREATURES!! ewww. i rather kill myself. -.- but anyway.. i dun understand why i dun understand so many things. esp why he have got no reaction?!!! grrr. nvm.. he no reaction more better. unless he like me also. HAHAHA. bleahs. okok. i'm thinking too much. but then he no reaction more good lah. cos like that if really we meet up or sth at least i won't feel so paiseh.. but i still will lahh. imagine seeing his face. OMG!! paiseh lahhh. i really dun understand why he no reaction de lor!!! eh.. anybody can pei me go watch movie this sat?? with wanjing and her deardear.... somebody pei me lahhh... i dun want be dian deng paoooooo.. braod daylight lehh. already very bright liao still want me this lamp ahhhh. how can?!! so must pei me ok!! if not i'll be very lonely.... i already gou lonely liaooo. bleahs. omg. i so love him. HAHA. okok. rubbish. ok lah. i stop here liao. byee. ((: oh shit tmr history test.... die.die..dieeeeee.. =x blogged @ 10:36 PM here are some more picts. ((: HAHA. gorgor zi lian!! =x as pretty as flowers. (: lao ah! ;p whee~!! ;p blogged @ 5:01 PM Tuesday, February 20, 2007 hmm. today ok lahh. went to some relative's house.. quite distanced lahh. hmm. after that we went home. arghh. i wanna catch movie, but at the same time, i dun go out with couples. =x becos, that makes me a goosebverry!! :( bleahs. okok. i'm talking rubbish, i can't stand couples beside me.. becos their actions make me think of piggy!! :( anyway. i so damn miss him. his voice. very long nv hear his voice already. but nvm. anyway. today. nth lahh. went xiaoyi's house sit sit for awhile after going to my that relative's house. after that just went home lah. slacked for the whole afternoon using comp, watching tve, and sleep. and now, i'm doing my poa homework at the same time blogging. haha. i so love the song on my blog now. hees. so nice. hoho. lalala. ok lah. there really is nth for me to blog about luhh. my bro is like CHASING me off now lah. ok lah. byebye. blog tmr. idiot. blogged @ 8:06 PM Monday, February 19, 2007 hmm. now at adrain gor gor's house. sian daooo. but actually hai hao luhh. last night i super emo lah. not really emo lah. actually is sad luhh. becos haiyah. if you got read my previous post you guys will know why lahh. sian-ed. eh i really dunno sth lehh. i wonder why right. he can actually make me smile with his replies can. i mean like i'm angry with him at first, then i emo with my msg lah. like i typed a 7 pages msg to him, then sometimes he reply, make me very irritated lah. but still, it still make me kinda glad with his msges. but nvm lah. sometimes he really pissed me off and stuff. oh well. why am i talking about him man. grrr. nvm. anyway, went to some relatives' house then went to my uncle's house. stayed awhile and went to my jiu jiu's house after that. reached there at 12 plus. hmm. took some pictures and stuff. lalala. went to gugu's house at hougang after that for dinner i guess? hmm. i was thinking who's free tmr then pei me go watch movie.. wtf. he's not free. everytime go out with his friends lor!! grrrr. nvm. i shall just stay at home and finish up my assignments. sian lah. i so wished of some stuff. lalala. omg. i'm thinking again... sian-ed. i dunno lahh. cannot cannot. i can't be emo... =x emo kills!! :( lalala. hmm. after tmr, must go back school again.. wah. i have been msging him for like this few days lah. shhh. bleahs. hmm. oh yes. i'm at home now. HAHA. ok lahh. there's nth much to blog about.. see pictures first.. ;D emo sehh. =x awww. SIP [Stoning In Progress] xD obcessed in the particular show on tvee. =x HEYY!! sleeping... smile in the heart. <3*# heart. <3*# I - SO - LOVE - YOU. ((: PAM!! HEY dun disturb me!! =x finally done. =D cousins. ((: blogged @ 5:40 PM Sunday, February 18, 2007 ok. it's cny day1. and guess what. we only went to my uncle's place. haha. after that we came home and sleep. =x bleahs.dunno why also sia. then some of my friends didn't go bai nian today i think. quite fun luhh. woke up at like 0900. then left the house at around 10 plus. waited ad waited for the rest to come.. cos we are always the earliest family lahh. so far my angbaos got around 100++ le. hee. but i still dun understamd why ppl can go other relatives' house the we only went one in one day. -.- hurr. nvm lah. at least still can go home and sleep. bleahs. wahh. today adrain gorgor damn funny luhh. he 30 years old liao still say he 3 years old. if not 18 years old. hurr. then he say all of us his jiejie and gorgor. hahaaha. it's like alvin gorgor is 22 this year what. then adrain gorgor keep saying alvin gorgor will marry first and blah blah blah.. cute lahh... then zong han and his brothers are damn shuai lahh. as in they are not bad looking. really. zonghan handsome uhh.. and his da gorgor also zhang de bu cuo. er gorgor also. haha. and impressed by their bonds. the three brotehrs are kinda close luhh. so envious.. aww. maybe becos they are all guys. they have mopre things to talk about. lalala. it's like rebecca, estehr and sarah they are very close too. i so wish i have siblings who are so close to me. lalala. i kinda envious ppl who can get along very well with borh sexes. i dunno why. i realised actually i'm not very socialised lahh. i dun really get along very well with my cousins. i mean not that we quarrel or what. but even though w are cousins, we have blood relations, we dun see each other often and we dun really talk.. i seriously have no idea on how to communicate well with others.. i so wish i can close to my cousins... we are from the same age group.. but yet, i dun get bonded with them. i dunno how to talk to them.. and i so hate myself for this point.. just what's the problem with me? why do i think that guys dun like me? as in. guys dun like talking to me and stuff. i'm kinda puzzled. why is it that guys communicate soo well with slim people? it make me really upset when i hardly able to communicate well with guys esp. i really feel tears in my eyes. it's really saddening.. i really dunno how to talk.. why is it that i keep everyting to myself making myself look happy when i'm not happy at times? i'm a human, a girl with humane feelings, emotional feels. why am i born to be. like that? as in. i so wish that i could communicate well with guys. guys around me.. nvm. i dun wanna be emo becos of these again.. i'm just trying to find that communicator in me.. nvm. i's cny. i dun wanna spoil ppl's mood. i'm a very sensitive girl. you avoid me, i assume you dislike me. you reply me, i assume you dun wanna talk to me.. it's how i feel.. really.. if you ppl dun like me, can you just tell me? i dun wanna be like someone left in the dark. pls, if you love me as your friend, pls tell me... i'm very tired of just looking around, being left out anywhere and in anyway. i dun wish to talk further... kill me. i dun wanna be here. bye. blogged @ 9:39 PM omg,. i seriously can't belive i actually said, "-i-s-o-l-i-k-e-y-o-u-y-o-u-k-n-o-w-!xD" i mean i actually sent this to. him. wtf. at first i thought he won't really read it. or rather dun understand. then he replied a "i dunno" i was like. "huh?!! he understand ahh?? shit lah." that's what i was thinking.. =x and of course i didn't just say, "-i-s-o-l-i-k-e-y-o-u-y-o-u-k-n-o-w-!xD" but i had, "wah. time over liao. so fast. sian." in front.. omg. but that was actually the msg i wanna convey. xD what's wrong with me?!! i'm like obcessed? die liao lor.. now i really dunno what i'm gonna do if i really happen to see him again. nvmnvm. i must be NORMAL. and oh yes, i told him i dun want him to avoid me even if he knows i like him. cos. i hate the feeling. oh yes, i'm kinda bhb to him lah. haiyah. for some close friends i'll tell you luhh. next time then tell you all. cos now. i'm like still awake. it's gonna be 0300 in afew mins time. and i'm still awake! cos i dun really wanna sleep though i'm tired. and in like 6 hrs time i have to wake up and head to my uncle's place to pai nian.. i can't believe time is soo fast.. i so missed the days me and my friends had.. awww. memories.. i wanna hold his hand again.... soo sweet.. the days we used to have. i so wish we will still go out as 10 ppl again. 10 very good friends. from pri school. wah.. envious? hahaha, ok lah. i stop here already.. i need the toilet. haa. k lah. bye. tc. ((: HAPPY NEW YEAR!! blogged @ 2:44 AM Saturday, February 17, 2007 today is chinese new year eve.. i was supposed to pass kayan his present at like 1000 in the morning. then he haven't wak up. i waited for his call wake until i ownself go to sleep lahh. then he tell me when he come back then go meet me. i went to sleep at around 1 plus after chatting with grace on the phone.. i woke up at like 1640.. hahaha. bleahs. cos i was really tired luhh. i went my uncle's house for reunion dinner at around 5 plus. but then we waited for da gorgor to come down then we go down to tampines.. then just reached home not long ago luhh. hmm. was kinda anti-social lah. cos for the whole evening i was just outside listening to music. rather than going into the house. cos i not so close to them what. i mean my cousins. exclusive alson they all. lalala. went to look for feline at her house there to chat with her lahh. then when i went back to my uncle's house, i tell you ok. he live blk 848 i blur blur go 846 adn take the ligft to 6th floor like i always did when i go my uncle's house. i was like. ehhh. why everything so different from my uncle's place. then the door is closed lahh. so i was like. ehh wrong block. so i quickly went to the next block. HAHA. oops. same thing i just sat at the stairs and waited for time to pass. then after that jaena they all came luhh. so went into the house to eat dinner. then i come out again. haha. so praticazlly i spent my whole evening outside the house. i msged like. sansan, jaena and eric to chat. haha. bleahs. i so hope he's not shocked and stuff. i guess i said sth wrong? cos he's not replying.. nvm. hmm.anyway. i passed kayan his bday present before going to my uncle's house. at around 1710? saround there luhh. meet him at my house there de 225 bus stop. then i say if the card not so nice cannot guai wo. cos my hand pain. haha. but still ok leh the card. doesn't look not nice to me.. haha. sian-ed. tmr day1 liao.. actuallyl i dunno what to wear sia. nvm. i'll just wear the pink blouse. aww. hahah. i'm gonna ask ppl to stay up with me tonight. wahaha. bleahs. i'm so evil.. xD k lah. i stop here for today. byebye.. (: i guess i'm still waiting. pls don't be shocked. i dun want you to avoid me. i want to remain that friendship we used to share.. blogged @ 10:04 PM Friday, February 16, 2007 hmm. had evacuation exercise today instead of cny celebration. hurr. but quite ok lahh. today quite empty.. but i'm super tired today.. sian-ed. anyway. went back to yuneng with sophia.. saw kailin, din, doreen, shujun, huiji. we chatted and took some pictures.. went to buy water and stuff. but thenhen i went back to yu neng, sophia bu jian le.. i hope she's not angry with me.. ahh.. saw yikuan they all outside school. then chatted with them luhh. kairui they all aso got come. like. quite many ppl came lah. and hey. i saw kayan's yearbook!! and of course i saw his class photo, and his npcc photo. and him in full Uni. woahhh.. hahah. shuang daooo.. hahaha. okok. anyway. today's kayan's birthday.. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAYAN!! haha. hmm. i'm doing his birthday card lahh. cos i'm gonna meet him at his house there to pass him his present.. lalala. k lahh. anyway.. went tm with vanessaYEO, rina, chit and doreen. i feel so extra lor.. i'm like the only one from 6E.. then i feel kinda left out.. but nvm lahh. used it le.. cos. everytime also kena pangseh.. but haiyah. anyway. saw grace, jinhui they all.. grace was upset luhh.. gal, dun upset ks. they dun care you i care for you ks. love you many many. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAYAN!! ((: YU NENG PRI SCH Ex Pupil. blogged @ 8:53 PM ok. i'm now gonna post about yesterday.. FIESTA @ BNSS went back to school at around 2 plus going 3. went to help out with the booth's decor and stuff. see bojun so shag make me wanna help lah. cos i guess she's really tired.. but nvm. only left our classroom at around 4. cos they were gonna lock up the classrooms. continued our decor in the canteen. i was handling money lah. i mean i was appointed to handle the money box. and i was the leader of the finance committee. but my job was taken away by some ppl. then, it's my job, yet, snatched my job away. WTF~! nvm nvm. anyway. i helped out in setting up everything and stuff. wah! fhamy violent! he was like throwing the ice into the styrofoam box. like throwing the ice to the ice lah. so that it will break.then he throw until cut my hand. then the bamboo which they tried using to break the ice, hit my hand. wahlao. damn pain lahh. hurr. after settling up the booth, we waited for the event to start and stuff. i went to collect the money box from the meeting room. and we started to like get ready and prepare everything for the event. me, grace, bojun, aizat, hanafie stayed back while the rest went for principal's opening address at dunno where lah. we stayed back to take care of our booth.. i was taking pictures and stuff. cos my job is snatched away, the only way i can contribute is to help to take pictures lah. then when the rest of the class come back, i was taking pictures and stuff. then i kena scolding by bojun. hurr. i was like. PLS. you stole my job and now i'm only helping to take pictures. HELLO. nvm. anyway. after that she came to apologise.(: well, nvm lah. i can see she's damn stress and fed up already.. i went walking around and stuff helping mum to shop in the bazaar. HAHA. bleahs. mum bought a few coupons to spend. haha. we finished selling all the food in like 2 hrs plus? at 1933hrs we cleared everything already. then everyone was still struggling.. i went to walk around. and yes yes, before i went back to the booth, i saw lion dance!! yey!! so fun! haha. i took many pictures lahh. hee. i went home at around 2115hrs. and reached home at around 2150hrs. i was so tired.. but nvm. i enjoyed myself.. k. here's some of the pictures.. their hard work.. grace and pam.(: bringing it to the canteen.. opening.. going into the general office... the "musicians" xD bowing?? stunt. both. waiting.. peeling the oranges... finished peeling.. product. ((: wow! look at xinhui! xD hahaha. mr chew. haha. grace tied the ribbon unto fhamy's bag.. cute eh? xD blogged @ 7:36 PM Thursday, February 15, 2007 ok. i really enjoyed myself during the fiesta. but was kinda pissed by some ppl's attitude. but still ok lah. i so envied ppl from other schs came. i mean other friends from other schools lah. well, nvm. anyway. there's nth much to blog about. just that today is very tireing day. i wwish to blog everything.. but. now my mood very down.. maybe i'll just blog about the fiesta tmr.. and i'll tell you why my mood is very down soon.. maybe when i'm happy.. or whatever.. why did things turn out this way? one by one, they leave by their friends.. one by one, they are no longer free for me.. or rather for all of us.. i was so looking forward to seeing them and taking lotsa pictures with them.. but.. now, one by one, they can't go.. one cannot go, the rest don't wanna go.. and all of you said you all dun wanna go back when we have promised kayan tyo celebrate his birthday with him? i'm really disappointed.. so disappointed that i don;t wanna continue on.. i'm really tired.. blogged @ 9:57 PM hmm. i shall make a short post prefrably for now. cos i needa get back to sch by 1500hrs. my sch having bazaar tonight.. anyway. today is total defence day. it suck. totally. i mean like. yes, it's a hppy occasion. but you know what. i wore my uniform today to sch. then i go school only, moses they all laugh until sooo laugh can. then before natinal anthem, fhamy they all gave fucking comments. what's wrong with wearing my uniform? what's the problem if i look wierd in it? what's the problem if i look like a fucking char shao ba or whatever? do you even have to, "eeee, sharon look nicer lah..." those kinda fucking comments? you think i like to wear my full U is it. i know i looking fucking fat in my U. i am fat in the first place. can't you just respect others? and keep your fucking comments to yourself? you want others to respect you, yet you don't respect others. what kinda nonsense is this?? anyway. i was fucking pissed off in the beginning of the day already. anyway. i shan't scold the f word again. maybe in this post or for the next post which i post tonight. it's 1345hrs already. i needa bath at 1400hrs. and leave the house at 1430hrs. sian lah. then i'm gonna miss my 9 pm show tonight. wtf~! i so like the show can. hurr. and there's hua yang shao nan shao nu tonight at 7. wahlao. hurr. nvm. tmr must watch. and yes! tmr is KAYAN's BIRTHDAY!! hahaha. going back to yuneng and going out after that.. feel like watching movie lehh. sian. nvm. so hot lah today... lalala. ok lah. i needa go prepare for later.. go watch my U first. bye. ((: and feel free to sms me tonight. i'll be busy but i'll be bored too. xD blogged @ 1:30 PM Wednesday, February 14, 2007 hmm. nth much today. everyone exchanging gifts or distributing them. i was just stoning lah. it's like. valentine's day what's the big deal? ok. maybe i'll say that bcos my valentine's day is BORING. ok. maybe not really. but it's boring becos i dun receive gifts nor give out gifts. an i dun really care much about this day. but anyway. HAPPY VALENTINE's DAY TO YOU!! :) anyway. today is mr jhee's big day and he isn't in school. but then his big day still must have his phone with him lor. cos we needa tell him about the money thingy. as in the collection of the bazaar coupons' money. wahlao. nobody want go my bazaar. well, it's at night lah. sian tmr i have to wear full U to sch. can only change after recess. cos tmr total defence day. omg. i so hate to wear full U. so damn hot lahh. nvm. who ask me uni grp one. nvm lah. lucky can change off. sian-ed. anyway. i needa make a few cards. one for wanjing, huiyi, kayan. wanjing and kayan i can put er. happy birthday and happy valentine's day. HAHHA. and also. happy new year. LOL. bleahs. okok. i'm serious. i'm gonna put bday, valentine's day and new year. bleahs. and maybe i'm doing for teng, carmen, eric they all. lalalala. at least is i ownself draw one. not nice dun kill me ks. i'm just trying to be sincere in drawing it instead of buying them i'll just do it later. or tmr.. haha. hao lah. anyway. after school, i went punggol with huiyi. haha. she pei me go cut hair. sian diao. my hair spoil again. i mean aunty carmen said my hair spoil again. now is too layered. WTF~ why my hair everytime spoil one. hurr. today go punggol abit special. took 87 to hougang mall there to change bus to 62. haha. after that we took 62 to some place and we took 45 hone. aunty carmen jiao de! haha. lucky nv mi lu lor. haha. hmm. huiyi gave me a pig comb for valentine's day. she's only one who gave it to me. last year the only who gave it to me was leewee. i still keep the box from her you know! hahaha. orh leewee's gift was my first valentine's day gift. haha. if i can remember clearly lahh. but before her, nobody give me before lehh. hmm. maybe some sweets and chocolates lah. sian tmr got POA test. hopefully can ge good results. and oh yes, if my mum sees my chinese test paper, she's gonna kill me!! i only got like 15 over 40 can. omg. and i think i'm gonna flunk my english compo test i took today. cos i think it doesn't really answer to the question. arghh. ok lah. i go rest for awhile.. blog later if there's sth special later. HAHAHA. at the meantime, i wish you guys a very HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY <3*. ((: blogged @ 4:45 PM Tuesday, February 13, 2007 omg. well. my valentine's day have lways been empty. and so, tmr i'm getting a hair cut. and nobody is accompanying me to cut my hair. wth. everyone's soo busy. busy with their valentines. awww. i dun have one. mine wn;tbe free tmr. TENG TENG why you not free?!! sian luhh. eric not free, wanjing also not free. win le lor. like that dui wo. hais. sian. nvm. alone jiu alone lor.. but paiseh sia go until punggol alone.. arghh. nvm. i must be independent. in fact i think i am... hahaha. dunno kayan free anot lh. ask him pei me go cut, haiyah but i dun think he will also.. valentine's day leh! who will so dumb spend his or her valentine's day with me! some more go cut hair lehh. hurr. nvm. i'm gonna cut my hair by hook or by crook. arghh. and i must do a card for wanjing and kayan. sian. still must study for test. and prepare for FIESTA @ BNSS. sian. ok lah. i think i stop here now. byebye. (: blogged @ 8:53 PM ha. went to school today. ok as usual lah. haha. today's wanjing's bday. lalala. i told her i'm gonna get her a lollipop. then she say she's not a kid. haiyur. she nv come to sch today. then i got homemade chocolates to eat on wanjing's behalf! wahahah. bleahs. shihui make for wanjing what. then she nv come mushroom give me eat. hahhaa, ok lah. the chocolates like buy one lor. but is make one lah. haha. hmm. today i also very tired lor.. cos like got so many things to do.. eh, today is tuesday. bleahs. ok. oh yes, this morning kayan guai guai de lor. i nv talk to him lah. cos no chance tak to him. i was in 225. then until his stop, he wasn't there. until the bus wanna go that time he chased after bus. but then the uncle nv see lah. so he didn't got onto the bus. i was waiting for 87. then i saw kayan chasing after bus again. so i msged him. i ask him what's wrong wth him today. that he keep chasing bus. he nv reply me. grrr. nvm. no lah. i disturb him nia. bleahs. today gt taf. buti'm reporting sick. HAHA. becos i got injured what. then like cannot run lah. very pain one you know! not only run lah. those needa use leg one very hard to do also lah. hha. oops. =x and yes, my marketing group for the fiesta @ bnss rightso cooperative.. aww. cos i'm the leader lah. then i have to arrange the roles for them lah. then i told them i need about 3 hrs leave lah. i needa go cut hair what. so they let lor! hahah. so nice. then maybe i can take my time. but still needa rush to the salon first. then maybe after cutting my hair, if got time i go home bath first lor. cos i will be sweaty luhh. haha. so yah lor. anybody wanna go my sch's bazaar? but need some letter also lah. so i asked eric just now you know. then i say haiyah i know he not free one. then he say dunno wha lah. so i say. nvm. i dun wanna see you also. HAHA. ok. then he say FINE!. bleahs. ok. i'm soo evil.. bleah. nvm. hmm. i very stress lah. i have to like hold onto money lah. and not 2, 3 dollars ok. it's alot of money can. and teacher gave me that responsibility to handle money. aww. nvm. i will take care of those cash. i promise. haha.sian lah tmr got hist test. omg.... i scared luhh. haven't study for it yet. i'' go and study for it later. i will, i promise. haha. then thursday got poa test. wahlao. why so many tests sia. nvm lah. it wil be over soon soon. haha. hmm. i saw carmen when i was in 225 coming home. her bro, sis and chloe was at the queue of 225 green plate. then i in white plate what. sian. carmen nv see me. why? becos i'm in the bus. grr. nvm. hahah. and bedok isn't very big luhh. so it's normal to see ppl living in the same area. haha. ok lah. i stop here now. continue later if i have to. byes. (: HAPPY BIRTHDAY WANJING!! blogged @ 7:04 PM Monday, February 12, 2007 i guess, most ppl reading this. will expect a stable answer from me right? now i will tell you ppl with confident that. i'm really moving on. i really see no point waitig for him. yes, if you ask me. yes, i would like to wait. but i guess, it's just fated to be. if it's fated for us to be just good friends, i won't cross that line. i don't like to wait fo something which i know i won't get any answer.it was perhaps the wrong decision to even fall for him. so. i'm ending this here, at this moment. i'm going back to myself. or ratehr i'm gonna be happier. i'm gonna be stronger, unbeatable. perhaps, it was just a crush. well, i'm not despo. i'm not gonna be a bitch and going around like a despo. i will wait patiently for the right one. isn't this the answer all of you guys wanna see? it's no longer going on. i'm just moving on and get on with my life. i've matured all these years. i now know what's right for me, what's not right for me. when you love someone, you dun have to have him. he's happy with his life, i'm happy with mine. we go separate ways. i have so many friends around me, who cared. even for that moment, i'm thankful. then you ppl even spend your few minutes reading my blog. i will get back to you ppl soon. i just wanna be simple. i just wanna get on with my life. i'm so tired ofeverything. studying is my priority. love? what's that? can it be eaten? can it be installed in my mind and help me in my tests? NO, so? i'm letting it go. it's not as if i'm for one now. i'm PAMELA. i promise i will be strong, and overcome obstacles. it's my life, i'm getting on. i'm 15, i know how to handle my life. though not properly, but i'm still thankful i'm living and still, thankful for i have spent my time thinking and pondering. so, my conclusion is, i'm giving up. say i gutless or whatever.. i can't care anymore. it was all along a wishful thought. i was the willing party. blame me if you want. i'm not gonna be numb like these. i'm still gonna fall in love, but for the right one. i'm not gonna let my heart die. for a while it's dead, but soon, it's alive again. and not only studying is my priority, lose weight is also my priority. i must by hook or by crook lose weight at the end of this year. i hope this is the answer you want. bye. blogged @ 10:12 PM today the 12th of feb already. so fast luhh. it just seemed yesterday i just held his hands at church luhh. ok whatever. that's so long ago.. aww. i missed that. but anyway. i kinda look forward to friday.. but. i also scared when friday gets nearer. becos. haiyah.you know i know lah. to my dearest readers, i know for the past few days/weeks i have been in a serious emo state lah. also my brain super lag. blah blah blah. ok lah. i'm talking rubbish. but seriously, thanks for even spending your precious time to even read the posts. cos like ppl read they dun tag.. but then they know i not happy. haha. k lah. thanks people. (: ok. anyway. i've got kayan's bday present. as promised. HAHA. and guess what i owe alot of ppl present can. i owe, huiyi, tianloke, wanjing, chuanya, peiyin, and err. i dunno lah. eh. tmr i shall go buy lollipops for ppl. and give them as valentine's day gift. HAHA. ok lah. i nv buy valentine's day gift for ppl before. no i think only once. for cheukman. that time when still like him, i think i bought sth for him. haiyur. i can't remember lah. so many ppl's bdays are like coming up.. my comp now kinda lag sia. nvm. still can live with it. haha. ok lahh. today nth much also. nth really interesting. and hey! kayan talk to me for more than.. 5 words today. bleahs. no lah. nth interesting. we are hao peng you. xD haha. ok lah.. i think i stop here for now.. byee. blogged @ 5:22 PM Sunday, February 11, 2007 hmm. was kinda sian for the first half of today.. cos like. can wake liao wtahc abit of tvee. use abit of comp. then 11 am go back to sleep until like 1430 then wake up. and i was woken up by a call lahh. sian-ed. but anyway. tianloke asked me and huiyi go kaki bukit cc there to study. so i called huiyi to tell her. then like we 1500 then got ready. tianloke called. then he say he finish his study liao lor! so i was lor. you win le lor. hurr. nvm. at last me and huiyi study under my block lor. called teng to ask if she wanna join us. then she stomach not feeling well. so she didn't join us lah. after like studying downstairs and we can't really concentrate becos of some aunties at the void deck making so much noise. so we just went up to my house. then in house, i can't study. bleahs.. i just can't study at home.. becos my home got comp then i very tempted. haha. but anyways. went bugis with huiyi after that. but went to get money from her dad first. we were like walking the whole of bugis street lahh. then like becos CNY is round the corner, so everyone is like shopping for new year clothings and stuff. so there's soo many ppl squeezng and squashing lahh. then becos the pathway is kinda small so it's quite hard to squeeze from one place to another.. then i also walk untill leg very tired luhh. haha. but anyway, huiyi very indecisive in getting anything. hurr. but she still got two tops for her new year. while going back to bugis junction, like at the traffic light there right. there's this ah gua. "he" wore women's clothing, like those at geylangs and whatever. "he" was wearing heels. very high heels. an like a very short skirt and a very sexy top lah. and guess what, "his" hair is like those women's hairstyle too. oh yes, and sth really gross is, "he" actually had "his" phone under "his" top's strap. cos the strap is those like spaggetti kinda straps. so "his" phone was like horizontally under one of the straps. omg. i seriously..freaked myself our can. huiyi say she saw this man alot of times already. like at tampines or wherever. damn gross lahh. nvm. anyway. we took neos... it's been a really long timwe since we both took neos.. hahah. went home after that. but we went to grab some bite at the hawker's in bedok interchange afetr getting huiyi's school schools. we ate zui kueh. went home after that. aww. i'm so tired. tmr still got school. and like i have my jianbao to do. not complete yet. hahaha. oh yes, i have an appointment at outram tmr. which is like after school. oh how boring.. bleahs. ok lah. i stop here for today.. bye. and good nights. =D blogged @ 11:06 PM wahlao. i wak up this morning so sian lah. nobody at home. then now also nobody at online.actually got lah. but then haiyur. nobody talk to me.. saddened. bleahs. but better dun talk to me. cos i msn- anti social-er. bleahs. whayever nobody msg me also.. so i decided to blog. or maybe i shall create a quixz. but there's nth much to ask about.. sian-ed. lalala. ok. nvm. i now create a quiz... then i come later. lala. haha. byee. hahah. back. hey. take my quiz. >>> http://www.quizyourfriends.com/quizpage.php?quizname=070210231714-474130& lalala. must get flying colours ahh. HAHA, ok lah. i guess i stop here for now. bye. blogged @ 11:54 AM Saturday, February 10, 2007 went gb today. arghh. i forgot my squatbook then kinda kena scolding luhh. so sad right.. bleahs. anyway. today quite sway lah. play captain's ball also i fall down. wtf~! i wanted to hit that ball off lah. maybe i wanted to hit it out of the court.. bleahs. then i fell. then it's like always at my knee cap that i always got injured at lah. sian diao. so everyone was like asing me to wash my wound. cos it looks pretty bad with all the pus coming out. eww. nvm. but anyway. i didn't lah. i didn't wash it. i hack care lah. bleahs. then carried on with drills, badgework and stuff. went bedok inter with huiying. then brought her to the 222 bus stop. then went to alighting point to wait for peiting and xinhui. then went to have macs. omg. macs again. sian-ed. nvm. thn after that went to library to returned peiting's books and borrowed her books. went my house after that. was like using the comp. i mean them. then i went to bath. and prepared for tuition. after tuition went home put my file and stuff. waited for sophia then we went tm. waited for suling. then we was kinda sian lahh. i was kinda scared that i would see him.. but in the end i didn't lah. though i feel like seeing him.. bleahs. okok. i admit it. =x anyway. walked like so many times up and down tm, just to find suitable clothings for sophia. HAIYOH. standard very high luhh. haha. went inter to buy my mum's laundry stuff. then went home after that. saw felicia in the bus. we chatted like for quite long luhh. haa. i missed her like mad. bleahs i so miss the times we had together in tuition... awww. that's soo sweet.. wahlao. her sc at buona vista lahh. siao one lor. she live in bedok then she everyday have to take mrt to sch. 30 mins lor. i mean around there lah. and i take about 15 mins to go to sch. actuallly quite long also. if i at bedok green. 5 mins can reach le lor.. sian. but cannot go in. nvm lah. i'm in bnss liao. haiyur. sian lahh. but anyway. felicia and i was like chatting so happily luhh. i so love to chat face to face. cos got so many things to talk about rather than on phone, sms, msn. whatever lahh. chatting face to face is like very conmfortable lor.. HAHA. okok. whatever. tmr's m'am peijun's bday.. then tuesday is wanjing's bday, wednesday, m'am hweeleng's bday, then friday kayan, sunday nabil. and the list goes on. sian-ed.. ok lah. i think i stop here now. next time then i post pictures. byebye.. hahah. tc. blogged @ 11:09 PM Friday, February 9, 2007 went for dinner with teng and huiyi at 511. and meet their new friends! bleahs. ok. nvm. ahhaa. wahlao. today my brain super lag lah. dunno what happen lahh. like mad. haha. anyway. both of them keeping talking to me about eric ting. i was like.. eh. eat your food lah. i ean i didn't say that lah. but then i like very sian diao le lah. cos i was msging dingting. then she very sad lah. so i tell her that guy is a bustard. i mean serious lah. what's the problem with loving someone? childish sia that guy. and she actually self-torture. WTF. hurr. sadden-ed. teng and huiyi are so imaginative sia. it's like they think of him coming to my house with a bouquet of roses kneeling down and blah blah blah. see each other not more than 3 times so got chemistry le lor. then i like so kena suan-ed lah. ok. bad english here. nvm lah. then after that teng go home open door for her sis. so me and huiyi was like go buy what mum want me to buy. but i left not enough money lah. then i go post letter, after that go pass my aunty some cheque thingy. then i went to look for puaysee. ask her lend me 40cent. HAHA. becos i not enough. then i dun want go borrow from my aunty. so i went to look for puaysee. chatted with he for awhile. then me and huiyi go kaki bukit cc look for tianloke. chatted at the void deck for a while. he was like.damn pervertic lah. after that we go shing shong buy the thing. tianloke and his girl friend went macs to eat. then after that me and huyi went home. we was kinda kaypo lah. we go ask him if that gal is his stead. bleahs. dumb luhh. nvm. ahha. then here i am blogging now. today, not bad lah. kinda sian. i realised there's like so many things happening this week lah. lucky this week finish liao. sian tmr got gb. got drills. arghh. nvm. I WILL BE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK I AM!! =x ok lah. i''ll stop here for today.. byebye. ((: blogged @ 10:22 PM aww. in like half an hour O levels results will be released. and my bro's gonna get his. he says he's gonna flunk his Os. sian lah. in like 2 years i'll be taking my Os. just becos i'm a N[a] student. oh how boring. dunno how bro's gonna score. hope he can at least get some good results.. maybe not all. cos it's impossible for him to get flying colours for all sub. but the subs he took, is what i will nv get a chance to take. like Add math, bio, pure greog[i think], and whatever lah. he used to be a smart ass. a special student then he dropped to express. oh how smart. bleahs. ok. this post is kinda sour luhh. trying to be sarcastic. sian-ed. if only time can stop me to enjoy... arghh. but time does't wait. it sems just yesterday that i just got into sec sch. still a toot. but now, i'm not! haha. i'm a young "lady" who doesn't care. HAHA. came back from school and went to the bank to bank in some cheques. then i came back home. and here i am blogging. today is a free friday for me. hahaha. becos there's nth much to do. but i have got a history SEQ coming next wed, physics test next mon, and yes, next week is a very very busy week. esp thurs. wahlao. i hope i can still go cut hair with teng lahh,.i seriously need a hair cut. cos it's like, CNY coming then, confirm many ppl will be at the salon getting a new hairstyle and stuff. and thursday is like have bazaar in the evening but we needa prepare for stuff luhh. then friday going back yuneng with teng, chit, doreen, jason, kairui they all. i think, then after that going out with my budds. aww. i miss those days we were together. i so look forward to that more than the bazaar.. bleahs. and i have to like buy the freaking coupons for 5 bucks per booklet. sian lahh. but hopefully the bazaar runs smoothly. and hopefully we will have things to sell luhh. i mean..i hope the ppl in chrage the items will pass me their budget and thingy. cos i got my account thingy to do lah. which is like handling with money and stuff. aww. i hope i'll do the stuff properly..... argh. sian lah. ok lah. i stop here for today. BYEBYE. ((: blogged @ 1:55 PM Thursday, February 8, 2007 wahlao. i just feel like talking to him when i see im online lahh. but then i seriously dunno what to say. imagine you just got scolded afew days ago. then sudden;y i talk to you. wahlao. that's so paiseh lah. sian diao. why did things become like this?!! it's not supposed to be like that de lor. and i'm faking that attitude becos "ohh i'm sooo angry.." kinda thing. it's like. sometimes i wish i can see him yet i dun wanna see him. wtf. and i seriously dunno what's over me. have been really anti social these days. aww. ppl, dun miss my laughters. soon soon soon. soon, it will come back. oh whatever. who cares whether it comes back or not. all i want now is to get back to our normal terms. our friendly, talking terms. i see our friendship like that i very heartbroken luhh. it's like. going 6 years le lor. i mean our friendship. oh whatever. i so hope ppl is not reading this. aww. but nvm. since i've decided to post, means i have my reasons. sian lah. ok lah. i stop here. byebye. lalalala. =x blogged @ 10:05 PM ok. i just came back from bedok reservoir.. wanted to go bedok reservoir to like relax and emo for awhile with teng one. we ended up going to the coffee shop near aquarius.. then suddenly the thoughts came. like the day i went to that same coffeeshop to buy 3 packets of chiken rice for him and his parents. so it's like. HAIYOH. bleahs.teng go call him.. using me phone. she called his phone first then haiyah so obvious is my phone number can. then after that she called his house. i think he answered or something.. then teng ask him want come down not. then he say dun want.. so i thought, "maybe he see my number know i'm here then he dun wanna come down.." but then. dunno lahh. nvm. anyway. school was ok.. oh yes, teng told me right that time when she see kayan in 225, they was like talking about me?! cos like dunno lah. say i this few days very emo.. then teng teng say last time emo him now emo HIM. is like. haiyur. dunno lahh. nvm.. anyway.. taf today was torturous. is liek keep running, running and running.. and circuit circuit circuit. wtf. sian. wahlao! weihan they all today irritaing lah.. keep saying i what sia.. so bad lorr.. hurr. nvm. i felt nth lah. cos. dunno leh. i told them my heart die already so say whatever you all wanna say lor.. but then haiyur. quite sad luhh. oh yah. me and teng was chatting about the times we used to have and stuff. aww. i miss those days.. now everybody change le.. good or bad? got good got bad lor.. sian-ed. ok lah. i think i stop here liao.. i dun feel like blogging today lehh. haha. byebye. blogged @ 6:13 PM Wednesday, February 7, 2007 hmm. today's 07 feb. wahlao. so fast lahh. hurr. this is the 445th post. ahha. alot right. for 2 years can. like 2005 april until now. got so many of my memories.. happiness, unhappiness, tears, laughter. aww. and like everyone reading my blog will be like. ppl who are around me lah. like got thing, nothing also come. haha. but then i appreciated lah. oh yes. KAYAN bian le lor.. i dunno lah. now i just feel that ppl around me is changing.. he machaim dun want talk to me le lor. i mean like. never go a chance to talk to him he, BYEBYE to me already lor.. it's like. kan chiong to where lah. hais. 7 years of friendship leh! i see already i also heartbroken luhh.. haiyurr. dunno lah. anyway.. today i feel kinda left out lah. cos like chinese class, sit down there alone listen to teacher, do corrections and blah blah blah. whatever lah. maybe it's myself to blame luhh. i dun get people luhh. i mean i dun understand them.. people around me.. like. they are ppl who hold grudges. like the guys i know lah. maybe my class. it's like. hey, i'm the maths rep. someone ask me for other ppl's assignment. not to check. notto do what. but to COPY. it's like of course i have the rights to say NO, you can't copy. i won't let you copy. this kinda stuff. then today i ask nicely to some ppl to help me get my waterbottle for me. i asked nicely ok. then sme fucking ppl from other class just walk in into our class, eat and rcink inside. what's more they threw the fucking litter in our class lah. then becos too many ppl then gonna bell ring so i asked that person to bring me my waterbottle. and what attitude did he give me? fuck him lahh. it's like. WTF can. i asked nicely. and he's so petty can. so big size yet so petty. HELLO. it's like. is this what classmates are for? we are classmates ok. and we are gonna be classmates for like 2 more years or rather 1 year plus. this is how ppl are gonna treat me. sometimes i wonder if the guys i know are just so fucking idiotic lahh. all so immature can. other ppl know the guys all so sporty one lor. only guys i know so fucking immature and childish lahh. ppl can be so sporty. but why guy i know all like that one? i just wonder what did i do in my past life lah. i seriously hate 3F'07. i thought i could accept.. i tried so hard to accept this fucking class. and this is what i get. i thought things were getting better. but ppl just have prejudice over me lah. have so many fucking comments towards me. tell me lahh. dun need keep talking aout me behind me right.. say i fat, say i this and that. then when ppl down there writting notes, you all down there throw cramped paper at me. then give that fucking excuse say what "orh i aim the dustbin what. i never aim you lah." PLS lah. dun be such fucking cowards can. dare to throw dun date admit. how long can i tolerate this? everything, everybody is so against me. how wish i not in this fucking class lah. everybody tells me, "haiyah it's like that one lah. now beginning only. as the months go by, the class will be better lah. don't worry so much lah." it's like. YOU PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW I FEEL. you ppl ain't prejudiced by other ppl. you ppl just say as if it's so easy. say you understand how i feel. OH REALLY??!! you understand how i feel?!! oh! that's so hilarious!! HAHHA. please can. give me a break lah. don't say until like you can read my mind lah. i can't even read my own mind who do you think you are to read my mind soo clearly, even clearer than me. i've had enough lah. i used to be so happy, everything seems to be like it-will-be-better-the-next-day kinda thing. but now? everybody seems to have comments over me. now, i dun talk in class, i dun shout, i dun do ath regarding the class. who knows what i'm thinking? nobody lah. only know how to use yr mouth to talk. to gossip. to talk bad about ppl behind them. who really knows what i'm thinking? stop acting as if you know everything. i know. sometimes maybe i'm like that also. everybody have their own faults. but the thing is, even when i did nothing, ppl have so much comments.. they are just so against me. against whatever i do. whatever i suggest and stuff. and yes, you ppl seems to have a lot comments on me being tidalwave captain right? i seriously dnno why you ppl have to give me such reaction. some comments. pls. i'm a human with feelings. people read my blog, see when i'm sad, they come and tell me, no matter what, they are with me. they thing is, they dunno ath that happens in my life now. cos, i only vent everything in blog. ppl who said they cared, don't really care. i have so many friends who claimed that they care. ok. maybe they really did. maybe they just. ohh! just say things which seems conforting. but who really will care? maybe i have my own character that ppl dun like. why not just tell me where i can improve in myslef instead of talking behind my back? i'm trying to be better. NOBODY IS SO PERFECT THAT THEY DON'T HAVE ANY FAULTS OR MISTAKES. i'm equal to all of you ok. you ppl are human so am i ok. ok. i'm not continuing. i feel rather useless. oh fuck. whatever. i just wish that i can hide somewhere. somewhere in the world where nobody will really take notice of me. of that OHH. PAMELA EXISTED. OHH THERE'S SUCH A PERSON IN THIS WORLD NAMED PAMELA YEO. whatever. love me or not, up to you. i only wanna do things i'm assigned to do. i'm off now. BYEBYE. blogged @ 7:46 PM Tuesday, February 6, 2007 today is tuesday. [woah seems to be a bad start..] nth much to blog about lahh. i'm trying to keep myself busy.. actually that's not true. now to me, i'm gonna let everything go and do things i like to do. i dun wanna be a worry to others. esp when new year is round the corner. everyone should be happy. i dun care anymore. i'm moving on! so people, don't worry about me ks. i'm fine. i'm laterally fine. maybe you guys will think that i'm faking it. but well, i'll try not to. i'm gonna be happy, bubbly and cheerful again. i want myself back. i'm pulling myself back from falling too deep into this. the deeper i go, the more i couldn't turn back. so, what i'm gonna do now is. to enjoy my life as friends with him. and of course cherish my times with my bestties and ppl who care for me. yes, san is right. what for i torture myself in such circmstances? what for i make myself so miserable becos of sth i know it will nv happen? i'm just gonna hack care. i'm not gonna torture myself. i mean. it's like. friends are more important than ath. just. give me a break. ok? and ppl reading this and know who i'm talking about, pls pls pls dun confront him and ask him ath again. i dun wanna create anymore stuff that will lead us both to awkwardness. i'm awkward enough. and i seriously will just act as nth happen when i see him. he's my good friend. a very good one. i dun wanna spoil this friendship. ok. everything's over. i'm just saying what i wanna say.. hao. now, i got a slight headache. so i'll stop here for today. REMEMBER, PLEASE DON'T CONFRONT HIM, DON'T ASK HIM ANYMORE STUFF ABOUT ME. thanks. byee. blogged @ 6:54 PM Monday, February 5, 2007 today.. still ok lahh. but then go into class the class super dirty luhh. it's like. WTH. nvm. anyway.. today's english lesson was totally funny lahh. i mean like. teacher was using the straits' times IN tabloid to teach us lah. so she was talking about some show which shows 4 wome in labour. women around the world lah. so teacher was saying the different ways of the 4 women giving birth. then everyone was like soo damn noisy can. ms nurul told us when her sis gave birth, she was there, and her mum was attending to her sis. then ms nurul was taking photos lah. then everybody was like laughing non stop. but seriously i think they are childish.. it's like give birth nia. you ppl also come frm your mum's that part what.what's there to laugh about? wahlao. i was like.. hello. hurr. nvm. anyway.. today i super tired lah. last night i couldn't sleep.. then i super tired today. he talked to me yesterday on msn. asked me if i have received his msg the day before. i told him no. then, he changed the topic to my classmates an stuff. "ohh, he care for me soo much!! -.- " then i told him, "be glad i'm still alive." he say, " good." i'm starting to get pissed. so i say, "good?! you think good?! be so glad that i'm still living here." then he ask me why. and stuff. oh whatever. it's like. when i've decided to let him go, he told me HE DIDN'T READ THE FREAKING EMAIL. wtf~. playing with me me or what. he told meok. he told he read it. so it's like. i super pissed. he say sorry. then he say he understand how i feel. HELLO. he don't even understand how i feel lah. then he just say OKAY. so i just didn't reply lah. then after a while i jus log off. then around 11 i msg him. i ask him what he have sent the night before. he told me he knew what's happening. and i replied, "what do you know? know i like you? know i sent you that freaking email? know that i gets freaking emo becos of you?" he replied, "the email." hello. what about the email? so i just told him, "i tell you what. i seriously regretted sending you that email." and stuff. i dunno lah. our friendship very starined now. it's like. i feel like just telling him whatever i feel can. but seriously, you can say i dun have the guts or whatever. give me a break. blogged @ 6:19 PM Sunday, February 4, 2007 f u lah. you said you have read that fucking email. now, you told me you didn't. i seriously dunno how to trust you. i'm confused.. total, i've sent you two emals.. the first one is about bestfriends and stuff which was sent like last year. the second one was sent on the 5th of jan this year. am i a fool or what? i waited for so long, then you tell me you haven't read that email yet.. what's the problem? i don't get you. i suppose you don't even fucking care how i feel now. why are you so toot? why can't you just understand?!! you make me wanna cry you know or not.. i seriously dunno howto face you. how to talk to you. how to explain to you. why'?!!! you wanna kill me is it? you have hurt me. very much. why did things turn out to be like these? you don't fucking understand how i feel now.. you make my heart so numb can. people reading this, pardon me for my vulgarities. i can't stand it anymore. i seriously don't know what am i fucking doing. and what is he fucking thinking. GIVE ME A BREAK. if you can't reply that email, or even read that fucking email, then forget it. maybe i'm very impulsive now. cos i seriously is so pissed now. i don't know what to do. i wish i can dig a hole and bury myslef in it. and that nobody will find me anywhere. even if i'm crying, nobody will know. nobody will probe. nobody will care whether i cried or not. you hut me. you confused me. you're killing me. i'm keeping all these shit in me and yet, nobody cares. pls can. get him here and read my blog lah. wtf. forget it lah. i'm fucking pissed, disappointed, angry, upset now. get me some ice and make me sick lah. blogged @ 8:15 PM i went shopping with mum just now at tm. bought tablecloth, papa's shirt and da gorgor's shirt, mummy's shoes, and some snacks. saw my cousin again. but seriously, i dunno how to spell his name!! arghh. nvm. he was working lah at Isetan. i was like.. looking around then he give me those kinda look then i tio shock lahh. so i was "ehh!! mummy!! *his name*!!" haha. bleahs. ok that's stupid walked round and round seeing the queues at the cashiers soo long, i'm like sian diao le lor.. bleahs. after that went home lah. we took 67 home lahh. so was like. that fucking bus driver doesn't know how to drive can. i was soo very pissed off in the beginning already lor. the service damn fucking bad lah. ok. all of us went up the bus, haven't settle down, he step the engine already lor. then some of us almost fell lah. then normally ppl start step engine will slowly first right so that nobody actually fell. then the bus driver machiam wanna go reconite like that can. kan chiong spider.. then ok nvm. what happen next can be fatal lah. you know normally if a bus happen to stop behind other buses, they have to drive slowly, allow all the passengers to go on board. and also must wait for those who are chiong-ing for thebus lah. but this particular driver, he fucking what lah. he drove so immediately, that a little boy who was running after the bus, fell down ok. ok. the driver stopped is like HELLO. the boy and there's still other ppl who wanna get on the bus lah. can't he just be patient?? the boy almost got injured becos of running after the fucking bus lah. we can complain one lor. i have already took down the bus number plate. and i told my mum to go lodge a complain. i don't care lor. that fucking bus driver needs some lesson. i super pissed off lahh. it's like. WTF can. forget it. i'm not gonna talk about now. it's fucking irritating luhh. nvm. nth more to blog about today.. byebye. blogged @ 6:05 PM well.. i was thinking through whether i should let this go now.. i mean since he don't wanna give me an answer.. why am i still waiting in darkness? i was chatting with san last night. then i was telling her if i should msg him. she told me to flip a coin. i told her to flip for me, head = send; tail = don't send. twice anyhow flip, last time really flip; head. so i sent him in the end. i sent a copy of what i have sent him to san and puaysee. this is how the msg goes, "I think you misunderstood my idea of sending you the email. I like you doesn't mean I wanna be with you. Or rather, yes, I would like to be with you. But, that wasn't what I meant either. I just expected an answer. I never intend to even go into bgr or whatever. Yes, I saw you, before that I was even thinking not to see you, but you still appear before me. I walked so fast, why? Because I don't know how to face you. And, I really didn't expect to see you. What's more you were with your friend. And, I didn't get san and ps to ask about me.. Maybe you'll think that I told everyone this and that. They are people who read my blog. They know what's going on around. Perhaps, this is the answer you want." i know this msg is very long. and, he didn't reply anyway. but at least, i have said what i wanted to say. after so many ppl telling me this and that about him. saying that he dunno how to reply, say i told him dun reply then he nv reply. i dun understand why would i even fall for an idiot? oh myy. kill me. save me. up to you. i think. it's time for me to let go. i mean i really don't know what's over me. why did i sent him that email? i so regret it. i hope that our friendship will be go back like we used to be. i mean. i hope these won't affect our friendship. it saddens if our friendship is just gone like that. if i can turn the clock around, i will definitly not send that email. i mean. oh well. i dunno. i have no idea what i was doing. help me will you.. i love you so much that. i really can't afford to lose this sweet piece of friendship.. it's priceless. it's precious.. it's lovely.. you said you care, but where were you when i seriously needed you. your shoulder. your listening ear, your love..sonmetimes i msged you.. you said you were busy.. fine.. i won't disturb you.. sometimes i msged you asking if you were busy, same thing you were busy.. with things i don't know what you are busying with. it saddens me.. it makes me feel so invisible. it makes me feel as if, i'm nothing to you anymore.. saying i like him, he like me. but you nv knew.. i love you even more.. can't you just take a look at my heart? so weak yet so true. so weak that.. i can't take blows well. i tried to appear nothing in front odf everybody.. trying to make myself happy when i'm not is killing me.. i don't know how to be happy. i don't know why life is changing tremendously for me. you are a smart ass. i'm a freaking idiot. who am i to even look for you when i have problems? who am i to turn to you? i'm just that stupid. trust me.. i don;t wanna disturb you.. even when i really feel like msging you, i just think of you, typed that msg that i wanna send, but in the end? i didn't send it out. only asking you to accpomapny me to somewhere, gives you so many excuses.. have you ever wondered why i would fall for you? in the time to begin, let me tell you this ok. it's not only now that i like you. it's been really long already.. and the feeling for you come and go.. all the time.. if i had the courage to tell you in the face that i loved you, will things become like that?? if i was in your school, will i even fall for you? if yes, what are we now? will our frendship drift away? or it will be the same as it is now? i don't think so.. if i'm in the same school as you, i guess we wll still be very good friends.. i mean. i can't be sure. God gave me bedok north. and not the rest of my choices.. separated from my friends.. purposely.. why?? why can't we be together until we grad? i mean friends? yet.. we were meant to seperate.. i don't know if it's the right choice from the beginning.. if things were better, what are we now? who am i now? what am i? i was strong... i tried to be strong in front everybody.. ppl teased, bullied, laughed at me.. yet, i'm still living.. i'm still living on this earth, in this school, in this home, as a "strong" gal in front of everybody else, my family, my relatives, my friends, my teachers, you, my m'ams and everybody. is that what you wanna see? i'm crying alone. nobody kew i'm crying inside me. my heart's bleeding.. do you know that? i guess you don't. why am i always upset over anybody? i can't continue on.. i'm moving on. i'll be strong and let you go.. it's the end of this crush. i have sent that email for a month now.. still.. you didn't reply.. i don't wanna wait anymore.. it's killing me.. once again, i said goodbye... i will move on even without you. blogged @ 11:02 AM